Another one for the bitch files...

I full on decked myself in the face with my umbrella. 

I've had a rough morning.

First of all, I made a pot of decaf by accident. I have no idea how this happened. Do I even own decaf? Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever even had a cup of decaf.  It just seems wrong.  It's kinda like doing a line of highless-cocaine just for the fun of it. What's the payout for putting your nose through all that pain? Same goes for coffee. Do you think Juan Valdez would have had any luck marketing that crap if it wasn't a psychoactive stimulant?  I can think of a hundred things I would rather drink over coffee, things that taste 110% better, like peppermint tea, hot chocolate or juice. It's that zingy feeling I've come to depend on love that keeps me so faithful. So hear this! You can't fool me with your decaf. I don't how you got into my coffee canister but you are not welcome in my cupboard. What's next? Soy milk? Sick bastard.

But I digress.

After the whole decaf debacle, I knew my entire day was pretty much screwed. My pants felt tight, I had no clean black socks (which means I'm wearing short white socks underneath my black knee-high boots...hot), and it took me 15 minutes to find my car keys. I then proceeded to drive my youngest step-daughter to school, which is never fun because I'm already at war with about 75% of the parents who drop their kids off in the morning.

Quick aside: I know its, like, rocket science and all, but the whole drop yer kid off in-front of the school is actually pretty easy. All you have to do is move FORWARD until your car is positioned IN-FRONT of the school, did you get that? Not behind the school, not beside the school...in-front of the school. From there you give your kid a kiss and send them on their way. What you should NOT do is hold up traffic by telling your kids to get out when you're 10+ cars down from the front. How does this make sense to you? How does this seem like a good idea. I know your kid is uber special and all, but so is mine...so MOVE IT! 

When I finally arrived in Seattle I was greeted by the longest train ever to exist on the planet. Apparently some big-time train traffic controller thought it would be a brilliant idea to send a train snail-ing straight through downtown in the middle of rush hour. So I waited. And waited. And waited. And then it stopped. And then it began  reversed. I was almost thinking, "Ha ha, that was funny! Great joke. You almost had me believe that you were going to stop the train and send it back the other way! Cause that's hilarious. Truly hilarious."  I say 'almost' because it quickly became apparent that this was not a joke. 

40 minutes later, I  finally pull into my parking spot. I step out of my car, grab my umbrella, press the open button and am quickly socked square in the mouth by an expanding green and white polka-dot parasol. And it's not like I saw it coming  so of course I drop my coffee, which sends dozens of ceramic pieces shooting across the parking lot. 

It's not even lunchtime yet and already I'm ready to go home.

Oh well...on the bright side, it was only decaf.

Comments

[JB]

Wow. I hope your day went better after that. You can at least take solace in the fact that it makes a pretty funny story. ^_^

[Matt]

Decaf is a dirty word where I am from.

[leslie]

Hehehe. I agree!